remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
