I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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