she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
