mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
