I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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