So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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