I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
