dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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