: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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