I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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