im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize