You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize