I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
