just come out here and I will go home with you...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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