Tell her she can't have a vagina
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
