just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
