How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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