I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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