So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
