He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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