You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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