google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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