You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
