Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
