another moral hangover. fuck.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
