Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
