I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
