Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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