he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
