he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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