Plan B is the new Plan A
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
