every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
