and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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