She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
