Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
