I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
