I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
please come you make the beer taste better
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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