your parents love me but you hate me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The best revenge is premature balding
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
