I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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