Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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