I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
