he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
