Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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