Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
