the condom got lost in my hair
im holly from the hills drunk
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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