we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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