Sry I called you an 8
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
high people should be assigned attendants
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
