Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
