i permit you to call me
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
