New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
