Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
