yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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