it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
