i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
