Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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