It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
