its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
