i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
