I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
