i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Bring me that man meat
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
