So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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