Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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