my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
