we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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