Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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