God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
