please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
3 2 1 whiskey
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
