Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
