If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You are the jesus of drinking
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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