I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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