my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
