We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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