Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
