i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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