he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize