the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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