Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
