Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize