There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
