i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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