Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize