spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
