What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
