Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
