i just wanna soil my oats bro
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You smell like stripper and shame
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Randomize
