I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
