shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
