why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
